Not Your Mate Anymore

Chapter 29 Foolish

I was dumbfounded. What was happening?!

I look over to uncle Deacon but he looks as shocked as I am. On my floor was Maximus Forrest, crying his eyes out. The macho guy who walked through my door not so long ago wasn't here anymore. He left and forgot to pick up his emotions.

He was on my floor crying and naked. I mean, I told him he'd regret it, just not so soon. How do you look in to my son's eyes and not fall in love?...

I walked to my room to grab a towel for Max. When I get to the lounge, I find him standing but covering his genitals. I throw him the towel,

"Now you're going to get shy?" I ask him and he looks down.

Okay.

He wraps it around his waist and sits down on the couch. Uncle Deacon sits down too. They all look at me and I just shrug and sit down too.

"After you made me shift, I let my wolf have one hundred percent control. With him seeing Adrastos, I guess all the emotions I'm supposed to feel as a father came rushing to me. They honestly hit me bad. I was drowning in all my feelings and guilt was the last of it. I feel guilty for turning my back on you and our son. My wolf wanted me to feel everything and I did." Max says just as Xander walks in to my apartment.

He looks at the three of us individually and then back to Max's naked form. He stares for a second and then looks back at me,

"I'm just here for the boy so don't worry about me. I'll make my way to the nursery." Xander says and Max let out a growl. novelbin

"You're not going anywhere near my son." Max says to Xander, standing up while holding the towel together.

"Stand down Maximus. Between the two of you, only one tried harm him and it wasn't Xander. So if you need to protect Adrastos from anything, it's you." I say to him and I could immediately see the hurt in his eyes.

"Look, your 5 minute confession earned you Brownie points but that doesn't mean all is forgiven. You've put Adrastos and I through hell! Things can't change now all because you've had a change of heart. I have to learn to trust you again and my son is my everything to me, if I don't trust you, I don't want you anywhere near him." I say and he growls at me.

"Growl all you like Max. Unless I compel you to shift and let your wolf takeover, I won't let you close to him." I say and he looks back at Xander.

Xander nods at me and makes his way to my son.

They've been spending every afternoon together. Xander would just sit in there and watch him sleep and as soon as he's awake, he'd start telling tales as if my boy can understand him.

Xander changes his diaper, feeds him. He even sings to him before he falls asleep. He has not once cried in Xander's arms.

Max sits back down like a scolded 5 year old. I pay him no mind.

"Sabrina is right Max. You fucked up and now you have to make things right. You threatened his life, that's not something even I will take lightly." Uncle Deacon says.

I nod my head in agreement with what uncle Deacon just said. Folding my arms for that added effect.

Max looks at me like he just got a new idea.

"Then come back with me. Let me show you that I can be better. My wolf is feeling a little better after seeing you and our son. Let me make things right. Let me do right by you and my son." He says and I let out a loud sigh.

"That will not be happening. My application to have Adrastos raised in Red Creek was approved after Sabrina agreed. He stays here. SHE stays here." Xander says walking towards us with Adrastos in his arms.

Dorothy comes out quickly and tries to take my son from him. She could also feel the tension in the air but Xander shook his head no at her and she stepped back.

Uncle Deacon groaned while scratching the back of his head.

"You know Sabrina, I never told you this but your mother was my first love. Our relationship was brief because we were children and she met your father so it had to end." Uncle Deacon said to me.

I looked at him confused.

"I'm getting to my point, don't worry." He says to me.

"Your father and I were enemies for some time. I was just jealous he ended up being her mate and he was angry I was her first kiss. We fought and it got to the point where your mother sat us down and

berated us. She gave us an ultimatum and we had no choice but to go with it because we both loved her in our own ways. What I'm trying to say is, you moon goddess children have a way with men and I'm now seeing what happened with your mother, happen to you." He said to me.

Well...

When he puts it that way.

"Wait, you and my mother? Actually don't answer that." I say then turn to look at Max who was throwing daggers at Xander.

"Max, even if Xander had not applied to take us in and raise Adrastos as his next in line, I wouldn't go back with you. You and your pack members turned your backs on me. A pregnant Luna. As much as they are sworn to obey you, they swore to protect me against anything. I know those vows, I said them to my Luna when I shifted in to my wolf. A luna is to be protected at all times, she is the one shewolf that the pack must protect but they refused to protect me from you, in fact, they stood by you even when you abandoned me. There is definitely no going back for me." I said to Max.

There was absolutely no way I was going to give in to his idea. If he wants to be in his son's life, he was going to have to adhere to my terms.

Lucas walked in and handed Max gray sweat pants. He quickly put them on and punched a wall right after.

Not one person said a thing. He looked at all of us and then walked out. Uncle Deacon followed him out and I knew then, he was leaving the pack.

Xander was now looking at me and he wanted answers. Probably to find out where my head was at and if I had been swayed by Max's sudden change of heart.

Lucas read the room and excused himself as Dorothy tried again to take Adrastos from Xander's arms but this time he let her.

_________________________________________

Max's POV

I screwed up. I was the biggest fool to ever run a pack. How could I think I could live on without my mate and pup?!

My father drove us back to Green Forrest as I was in no mood to drive. I was lost in my head.

Guilt was washing over me over and over again. Looking in to my son's eyes broke my heart.

Right there, in that crib, was my son but it felt like I was looking at myself. He looked like me in every way. The color of his eyes to his pointy nose. The idea of wanting him dead disgusted me.

I disgusted myself.

Nicole had every right to stop being my friend. Damon was well on the way too after I told him about the ball. I left Sabrina, a teenager, the mother of my child to fend for herself and care for the baby alone.

I was now locked up in my room. I didn't want to see anyone.

My room was destroyed. My anger got the best of me and I had destroyed everything. Starting with the new bed that never had Sabrina's scent. The closet that didn't have her clothes. The bathroom that didn't have her shower gel.

Her body lotion.

A room that did not have Sabrina.

I jumped out from my balcony and walked to the old packhouse. I needed to find something of hers to calm me down but when I got to her room, guilt washed over me again. This time ten fold.

Nobody had touched her room since she left and her scent was strong in here. Her bed not made and plates of food lying on the floor. She was a prisoner of some sort. Endured every pain because she made a vow to me. She stayed until I threatened to harm our son.

That was the dealbreaker.

She could never allow herself to stay when she knew I wanted the death of that boy.

Flashes of her skinny form went through my mind. I starved her. I caused her pain. Every damn day I was sleeping with that shewolf and she could feel it. Then I had the audacity to mark her knowing very well what it would do to Sabrina.

To my Kimberley.

Damon walked in Sabrina's room to find me, on my knees, holding on to her cardigan for dear life. My eyes were glassy and at that moment, Damon knew I was broken.

I know knew what I had done. What they were thinking but couldn't tell me. He sat on the floor next to me and remained silent.

He could shout at me and tell me how foolish I was for ever mistreating Kimberley. For abandoning my son or for changing pack law so my son doesn't take over from me.

"I abandoned her too Max." Damon said with tears in his eyes.

"We all did. We turned our backs on the luna. It's not all on you my friend." He said to me.

"She refused to come back." I said to him and he nodded in understanding.

"Why would she? We treated her worse than an omega. We left her to fend for herself in her pregnant state. If it wasn't for Tristan, she would've probably died of hunger." Damon said to me.

I growled.

Not at Damon but at the fact that I did that. I almost killed her.

"How do I fix this?" I ask him and he shrugs.

"I can't help you there. You're going to have to figure it out on your own." He says to me.

I stand up and let out a fearsome growl. Letting out all that anger that was swimming in my veins.

"How can I call myself a man? I abandoned my child. My only child and his mother. How could I not care about his wellbeing even when he was still in his mother's womb?" I say to Damon. Not expecting an answer.

He understood that I was venting so he remained silent.

"You know, my father took care of me. In his own way, he thought he was doing right by me. When my mother was carrying me, my father never took on another lover. He made sure my mother was fed and clothed. She was the doctors priority patient. Any ailment was quickly attended to. He took care of her so much that the pack thought of her as their luna. He did right by me even when I wasn't born yet." I say looking outside through the window.

"As soon as I was born, my father went back to his old ways. I was out of harm's way. Even though they weren't mates, even though my mother couldn't feel it when my father strayed, he protected her when she was carrying me because heartbreak can send a wolf in to depression. He kept her happy for my sake. After I was born, he did what he did best, take on different women. It broke my mother's heart

but he didn't care then. He only cared about me. He raised me to be the perfect alpha." I say staring into the darkness that is my forest.

It perfectly fits with how I am feeling. Loneliness. A big darkness that I can't get out of and don't want to. I put myself there, I might as well get comfortable.

"What I'm trying to say is, I failed my son. It's not that I couldn't protect him, I didn't want to. I rejected him. As much as I didn't have the best examples when it comes to love and mates, I know right from wrong. I know how it feels when someone is unfaithful to you." I say as I sit back down on the bed and tears fall down my face.

I remember feeling Sabrina's emotions when I took the shewolf to bed. Every time her heart would break and I enjoyed it. When hope would spread around her whenever I walked in to her room but then it would all shatter when she realized I wasn't there for her.

I remember feeling her pain when she went in to labor because of me. I felt guilt but I quickly masked it and went on with fucking that damn shewolf.

"She gave me everything. Her innocence meant so much to her and I let her down. How can I ever win her back after all the things I put her through? I'd never trust anyone if they put me through what I put her through. It was heartless." I say with my head down.

How stupid of me.

Of course I think she should take responsibility for most things and find the strength emotionally to deal with things because when one is in power, they don't have the time to dwell on their emotions. I just shouldn't have been so heartless about it.

Did I love Kimberley? I'm not even sure but I'm definitely sure I loved my son the minute I laid eyes on him. He became my everything that very second.

It is because I love him that I feel bad for letting him down in mistreating his mother. How would he look at me when he finds out how bad I was to Kimberely?

I put him in harm's way when I was ill treating Kim. I allowed the entire pack to disown her when I promised I'd take care of her.

"I just, I was just jealous. I hated the fact that she was the hero instead of celebrating her and her ability to ensure we don't lose any more pack members. I hated how the pack admired her, how they thought she was an angel sent to keep up safe. I am their alpha, I deserved that kind of praise but how could I treat my baby that way?" I say now looking at Damon.

"I allowed the pack members that blamed her for losing their loved ones as ammunition to drive her out. My jealousy drove me to insanity. I can't believe I thought she was a threat to my position in this pack. I can't believe I let old traditions get to me. Her being the woman meant she wasn't supposed to be stronger than me. I felt my manhood challenged." I say feeling so stupid.

"I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself. She was good to me. I mean, can I blame it on momentary insanity?" I ask looking at Damon.

"I'm not sure it was only momentary Max." He says scratching his head.

"Yeah.." I say in a whisper tone.

I decided to be that evil. Every time she'd sleep in my arms I'd get angrier and angrier and yet here I am now, wanting, needing my family here with me.

I had missed the kicks in her belly. I missed the birth of my son because I was stuck in my feelings.

I was going to miss his milestones. Probably his first shift. I wasn't going to be the one to train him and his wolf. I didn't have that right anymore. I did that. I made that happen and now I can only blame myself.

"Can you just leave me alone. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Meet me first thing in my office." I say to Damon. He nods his head and leaves me to drown in my own sorrow.

I take out my phone and call the one person that can help me make it right.

"You have some nerve" She says to me.

"I know. I know I fucked up and I can't take back everything that I said to her or what I did but I want to make things right and I need your help. Please Josey.." I say to her. She stays quiet on the other side.

"Are you there?" I ask.

"I'm here. I just don't know if I can trust you to do the right thing. What changed?" She asks me.

"I met him." I say..

"Ahhh Adrastos got to you, didn't he?" She says as she chuckles.

"A part of me is a sucker for a whole family. A mother, a father and the children. I never had that, Sabrina didn't have that and she wanted that so bad with you. She spoke about more kids with you and now she's probably crying herself to sleep no thanks to you. You shattered her dreams of a perfect family and thats the other part of me, the part that wants nothing to do with you. To just let you live out the rest of your life to deal with your decisions. To lay in the bed you made for yourself." She says to me and I sigh.

"Look, Max, you didn't just hurt Sabrina. Yes, you hurt her the most but you hurt all of us. She hid her hurt from us. Every day we would call her and she would lie about how you were treating her. When I

saw her for the first time after my grandfather called us home, she was stickley thin. She looked terrible and she looked broken. You broke her Max. I can't even imagine how much emotional strength it took her to muster up the courage to Facetime all of us and play pretend. But do you know what really hurt me?" She asks..

I stay quiet.

I stay silent because her words were like hammers to my heart. One after the other, people got to see what I put her through.

"As her sister, her best friend, I didn't even notice. She hid it so well from me, from all of us. You abused her. You took a new girl as your mate but you narcissistic and selfish ass didn't want to let her go. How could you let her go through all of that? All because people died? People died because some crazy old man wanted revenge. Wanted to avenge the little boy that grew up without a mother. You almost took that away from Adrastos. If Sabrina had to endure any more torture, she would've withered away. Heck, if she was any normal wolf, she would've died. Your new chosen mate is the perfect example. Did she not die from Sabrina removing her mark? Yet you were able to mark the other shewolf and Sabrina lived through it. You still think she has zero emotional strength?" Josey says to me.

Realization hits me like a ton of bricks.

I was wrong.

"I thought.. I...I...I was wrong." I say to Josey. I couldn't find the words.

I did to her what I swore I would not do. Why did I ever think she was incapable of ruling beside me? I told her to her face that she lacked in controlling her emotions but in actual fact, I was lacking. I'm the one that lashed out. I lashed out at her, if anything, I deserve more cruelty from her but she hasn't even dished an ounce of it to me.

I've done nothing but hurt her, nailing the coffin with my last act. Trying to replace her as the mother of my child.

"And what is this I hear about you not wanting Adrastos to take over you? You better fix that Maximus. I can't believe I talked my sister in to being with you." Joseys says to me.

"No. It's on me, I'm the one that messed up but I know now and I need my family back. Can you help me?" I ask.

"You need to make right with the family. You start with my father, he is killing himself with the whiskey after failing to protect his daughter from you. He blames himself for not being able to see the signs. We all do. Good bye Max." Josey said before hanging up.

How was I going to face Christopher after everything?!

I done did it this time.